Here is a piece from a short story I recently read. The short story is from Temporary Sojourner by Tony Eprile. This excerpt is from the story Carillon.
It really resonated with me. If you have a difficult times with relationships, love, and getting close to people, it might resonate with you as well.
These crushes overwhelm me: I will find someone impossibly beautiful, distant, intriguing. Men and women. These crushes don't last and are often wasted on someone totally unworthy, but I wouldn't give them up for all the world. It's like biting into a cold peach; I get goosebumps all over. Mark is different and he doesn't understand my infatuations. His affection is constant and unchanging: a wide and placid river emptying endlessly into the sea. I couldn't possibly be like that. When I have one of my crushes, I want to be that person, crawl inside his skin, feel his blood pulse through my veins.
For me, love is all-important and redemptive. It has replaced religion and God. It doesn't matter that it blazes for only an instant before vanishing without trace. It doesn't matter that I often despair of ever being able to love anyone in a true, sustained way. It's the believing in its existence that counts.
This is not a popular view these days. Most of the people I know want to give the impression of being unimpassioned about their love affairs.
It's worth the read.